Today….today, I will be walking into a building that I swore I would never go in again.
Four years ago seems like a century away. There is still pain and bit of bruising when I think of everything that happened and frustration really. I have to keep myself in check when I let myself go there because the anger is not slow to follow behind.
I am very justice driven person. Maybe too much sometimes, but I know for sure that there has never been an apology or even a recognition of what went down. I’m not angry for what was done and said about me. Yeah I got hurt and frankly abandoned by people I thought were family. But what gets the claws out is when I think about the injustice that happened to my best friends.
I don’t need to go into details about everything since it’s the past and there’s really no point right? This isn’t really about that anyways. I’ve just been sitting here drinking my coffee this morning outside and reflecting on it all and realizing how far the path has taken me.
Honestly if it weren’t for everything that happened, I wouldn’t have found photography. I wouldn’t have grown like I have. My faith wouldn’t have been forever changed for the better. I wouldn’t have found my footing and I definitely wouldn’t have the funny stories about crazy people at work or crazy bosses I’ve had.
There’s two things though that I believe God has brought to my attention this morning. If it weren’t for everything that happened, I wouldn’t know the people I know now and I wouldn’t have gone to Guatemala. That is huge to me. Like rock my world huge.
In the past year I have grown so much. More than I think I realized.
There is a group of people who have taken me in and slowly let me come out of my shell and accepted me for who I am. And not really expecting a lot of me other than to just love them. I think I’ve laughed more in the last year and half than I have in 3 years. I’m so thankful for them. Everyone of them.
That has been more rewarding than finding photography. Because being loved for who you are is priceless and in turn they have all helped me love better. To be more patient. To be more silly. To be more brave. They encourage me to seek God and to make those huge leaps of faith.
I know that at any time I could call any one of them in the middle of the night for help and they would be there. That is priceless. And I will be forever grateful for them. Forever changed too.
I’ve been close to people before and have been really hurt. Because in the end I don’t think they meant what they said. And with the friends I have now, it’s very very different. I believe them. I trust them. They are my family. Here and in Guatemala.
Thank you so much for loving me where I’m at. For being patient with someone who doesn’t trust or love easily. For showing me what is important and for following through with your words. Thank you for helping me heal. I love you very much and I hope that you know that.